quarter life crisis

Main Entry: fas·ci·na·tion
Pronunciation: "fa-s&-’nA-sh&n
Function: noun
the state of feeling an intense interest in something

lately, i’ve been using this word quite often to describe a fixation on something. i can be fascinated with a certain pair of shoes, a good melody or great lyrics or someone’s beautiful eyes.

i guess this has been my way of deviating from investing too much emotion on certain things (or even people) that i quite notice, if not admire. because, although it involves a certain state of happiness or natural high, i feel it won’t go as critical as an obsession would. fascination can bring you moments of pure bliss while obsession can bring you more damage than the actual pleasure you can get from liking something too much. i think fascination is a thought that you can choose or refuse to occupy yourself with at certain times of the day, while an obsession is a state of mind, which one can hardly escape even for just one second.

it would be easier to take it from the context of liking someone. having a crush or being in love with a another person (without the mutual feeling involved) entails high expectations. you like or even want the person and you expect him to feel the same. while you enjoy momentary bliss at the thought of this someone, you’re unconsciously struggling with your aspiration to be with that person — that you’d actually end up together in the end. that would be a grueling experience especially if things don’t turn out the way you want them to. being fascinated with someone is a whole new concept to me. you admire the person — his  frowning eyes and perhaps the way he teases you, the way he childishly reacts or the way you can simply hang out and talk about anything under the sun. you focus on certain aspects about him. you may be interested in knowing more without the hidden agenda to make him fall for you or the and end in a fantasy of walking down the aisle with him sooner or later. fascination lessens the risk of expecting too much and getting too emotionally involved.

nevertheless, while i am enjoying this at the moment, i think it has trade-offs as well. at one point, if you are caught off-guard, you’d probably end up on the losing end — that is, fretting over your fascination turning it into an obsession.

or, if you keep your eyes glued to this temporary fondness for a while, it makes you subconsciously put your standards a notch higher. and the supposedly 3-minute roller coaster ride of searching for that lasting satisfation seems to take a lifetime.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 21st, 2007 at 9:24 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.